Posted on Aug 31st, 2007 by Allison (Funny Stuff)

This is a guest entry from my sister, Kristin, relating an incident that occurred last night. I hope you enjoy it.

ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzSo there I was, peacefully sleeping in my bed at 1:34 in the morning, when I was rudely awakened by my cell phone ringing. You see, I recently increased the volume on my cell because I found I wasn’t hearing it and was therefore missing calls. So I turned it up a bit. Well, a lot I guess because the phone, which was far away in the kitchen, woke me up. It even woke my husband up, who normally sleeps like a dead man.

I thought (and he asked) who in the world would be calling your cell phone at this hour?

I decided that it must be a wrong number, and promptly fell back asleep. That only lasted for about 2 minutes, because I then heard the “You have voicemail” chime.

It’s kind of unusual for a wrong number to leave a message,” I thought.  I was contemplating who might have called, but drifting off to sleep when it RANG AGAIN! Okay, that’s enough. You see, awhile back, we had to change our phone number. ”  Apparently it happened to be just one digit off from the local towing company. 

ClockImagine the joy of receiving phone calls at 2am from some drunken man who had, upon staggering out of the local bar, run his car into a fire hydrant and needed a tow truck to come haul his El Camino away. So we changed the number. We settled back happily thinking the calls were over when we found, to our dismay, that we were given the phone number previously assigned to one Bobbi Jo Johnson who was obviously way behind on her bills.  But I digress.

No one I know would be calling me at this hour unless it was an emergency, and even then, they could call me on my house phone. So it must be some confused, highly annoying but misguided soul who had not yet got the message that he was not calling Javier.  So at 1:37 am, I dragged myself out of bed (which is kind hard for me to do in the middle of the night because I take a cocktail of prescription drugs right before bed that cause me to be quite dopey and to bump around with my eyes closed in the night) and I made my way to the phone which had just stopped ringing.

Who are these people and are they going to keep calling me!?

Ring! Ring!I opened up my phone and saw that, lo and behold, ALLISON was calling me!  Okay, here it is at 1:37am, and I’ve received 2 calls from her and one voicemail; this must be an emergency. I immediately called her cell phone because that is the number she called me from. Ring, Ring. I get no answer. This is alarming.  She could be calling me from the trunk of some evil man’s car.

So I dialed up and listen to her voicemail. It was exceedingly odd. She did not speak; instead there was a collection of strange noises like screeching and squeaking. Then some bumping noises, after which it then sounded sort of like a combination of a washing machine and a furnace. trunk.jpgThis was right in line with my theory that she was in someone’s trunk.

Then there was something that sounded vaguely like a toilet flushing. Disturbing. So of course I then called her home phone. It rang several times, with me getting more nervous with each ring, when she finally answered the phone.

I slur into the phone: “You called me. Did you need me?”
Allison: “Did I call you?”
Me: “Yes, you called me.”
Allison: “I did?”
Me: “Yes! You did. You called me from your cell phone.”
Allison: “No I didn’t. My phone isn’t even near me.”
Me: “It says right here on my phone that you called me at 1:34am.”
Allison: “My cell phone is across the room. I could not have called you.”
Me: “I know you called me.”
Allison: “Are you sure? Okay, I’ll go get it, it’s over there in my pants.”
Pause.
Allison: “It says I have missed a call! But I didn’t hear the phone ring. Oh, YOU called ME!”
Me: “I did not!!”
Allison: “Yes, it says here you called me at 1:37am. That was 5 minutes ago.”
Me: “Oh, yeah, I guess I did. But you didn’t answer the phone!”
Allison: “hmmm… I didn’t hear the phone ring. That’s odd… the phone is only a few feet away from me. Well, I’m sure I didn’t call you.”
Pause.
Allison again: ” …Oh, my phone says I called you at 1:34am.”
Me: “Exactly. Why did you call?”
Allison: “But I didn’t call you, my phone has been over there in my pants all the time.”….
Me: “You mean…. your PANTS are calling me?”
Allison: “They must be lonely.”

After a great deal of laughing, giggling and bending over in laughter, I giggled my way back to bed.

          Craig: “So who’s calling you in the middle of the night?”

          Me: Giggle, giggle… Allison’s pants!! Giggle, laugh out loud…

I giggled thoughout the night.

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Posted on Aug 30th, 2007 by Allison (Funny Stuff, Politics / Social Issues)

Meet the 3rd Runner up from the Miss Teen USA 2007 Pageant. I’ve been wondering if she could be George Bush’s illigitimate daughter…???

I can’t decide if it is funny or just sad.

Thanks to Kristin for alerting me to this gem.

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Posted on Aug 29th, 2007 by Allison (Reminiscing)

In honor of Michelle , who recently paid tribute to me on her blog, and who became my bff exactly 32 years ago this coming weekend…   I share with you the Umbrella Tree Incidentcomplete with illustration for your viewing pleasure.

It happened September 9th, 1976.  Michelle’s home had several umbrella trees in front.  With Halloween approaching, we got the bright idea that it would be fun to hide ourselves in the trees and scare trick-or-treaters as they passed by.   Being practical (though silly) girls, we decided to try it out beforehand to work out any kinks.  Michelle climbed into the tree, we laughed, and I helped her down.

Then it was my turn.  All went well until I tried to climb down.

It wasn’t until I was part way out that I realized my waist-long hair had gotten tangled in the branches!  I needed both hands to support myself and was completely stuck, legs dangling helplessly from the tree.

The Umbrella Tree IncidentThis is how I imagine that it looked….. I actually drew a picture like this in my journal at the time. 

I needed Michelle to support my legs so I could free my arms to untangle my hair.  She is quite short, and as she held my legs my butt was right in her face, which we both found extremely funny.  She was laughing so hard she wet her pants. 

That made me laugh even harder, and I proceeded to fart right in her face.   Of course, she burst into bigger laughter  – and dropped my legs, sending me into pain and panic – but both of us laughing hysterically at the same time.  

Gaining her composure, and urged by my pleading, she came back and held my legs again, my butt resting on her chest now…. both of us still laughing….  so much so that that I wet MY pants all over her shirt.    Laughing and crying I finally got out of that damn tree with only a few scrapes.

Michelle went in and changed her clothes – and we then walked to my house so I could.  And as we approached my lawn, Brad Tomsic was in the driveway wanting to ask me to a dance (my parents said “no” – because I wasn’t 16.  I hated that rule.)  I’m sure he was befuddled as I hurriedly backed away and into the house to change clothes.

Needless to say, the trick-or-treaters were spared that year.

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Posted on Aug 25th, 2007 by Allison (In the Garden)

Tiny FrogNews flash!   A bright green frog has been spotted in my garden!!!   :)

Hopping between the gerbera daisy and delphinium, back toward the trellis, he was too quick into hiding for me to grab the camera.   He appeared to be a larger version of this cute frog I caught at my old apt.  

I will name him Floyd.

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Posted on Aug 25th, 2007 by Allison (Reviews/Recommendations, Whatever)

At various times I find I just can’t get enough of a certain food.  Sometimes it’s beef stew or grilled cheese sandwiches (usually in winter).  Others times it may be a particular candy bar.  In summers past, it has often been watermelon.  I LOVE watermelon but this year I’ve been very disappointed in the crop.  After one good melon, the rest have been tasteless or dry :(    

Newman’s Own Virgin LimeadeHappily, I stumbled upon a suitable replacement for my 2007 summer food addiction.  I present to you, Newman’s Own Virgin Limeade.    Refreshing and delicious.  And even better when on sale for 2 for $3.00 at Central Market.   The lemonade is good too, but I am partial to the limeade.  It’s actually as good as my home-made version, and a heck of a lot more convenient.   Try some today :)

What are your summer food addictions?

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Posted on Aug 23rd, 2007 by Allison (In the Garden)

So you’ll probably be hearing about my little garden a lot if you visit my site very often.  I purchased a ground floor condo last year, and have spent the summer completely ignoring the bylaws which restricts my area of ownership to my patio.  I’ve always felt that rules were more like ‘guidelines.’   Fortunately, my neighbors like it.

Here is how the back yard area looked when I moved in. 

It has taken all summer, because rather than dirt, I discoverd the beds filled with rather large rocks, but several months and bags of compost/topsoil later, I have a lovely garden off my patio – complete with a waterfountain.  It makes me happy.

My garden

For more photos of my garden and pre-movein condo (before I painted the whole thing), click here

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Posted on Aug 22nd, 2007 by Allison (Whatever)
  • Alarm Clocks. 
    I avoid using mine whenever possible. 
  • Housekeeping.  
    Unless you’re my friend Michelle who actually ENJOYS cleaning her bathroom.   
  • Cell phones.
    Can you imagine your life without one now???
  • Semi-Annual Fundraising on the local NPR stations.  
    But I pay my membership every year because I’m an NPR junkie.  It’s the best source for in-depth, reliable, non-partisan news.  And entertaining to boot.  I have discovered some of my favorite musical artists via NPR interviews.  Only radio station I listen to in the car.
  • Bras.   
    Need I explain?
  • Tweezers.
    I used to need them for eyebrows.  Now I need them for chin hairs.
  • Cars and airplanes.
    Sam, when are you going to invent a transporter beam so I can instantly de/rematerialize wherever I want to go?

What would be on your lists?

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Posted on Aug 20th, 2007 by Allison (Whatever)

I consider myself a compassionate and peaceful person.  Opposed to wars (including the one in Iraq), completely unappreciative of “pretend” graphic violence in movies or WWE.   Not a big fan of hunting for sport (as opposed to hunting for food – and even that makes me feel sad for the animal).  Live and let live I say.   I scoop up those giant slugs that like to devour my plants, and toss them over the fench into the field, hoping (in denial) they won’t find their way back to me (I admit I have resorted to some slug pellets at times).  I don’t like to kill bugs or even spiders – usually preferring the “catch and release” method of removing them from my home, or an occasional flush down the toilet (giving them a fighting chance if they can swim and hold their breath : )  

Die, hobo spider, dieNot so with hobo spiders.  They are very poisonous and I kill them, though a bit reluctantly.  I surprised myself this week, however, when I realized I was actually taking pleasure in watching this very large hobo spider die.  I sprayed him with Grant’s Ant & Spider Killer as he was crawling on my patio screen.   He fell to the ground and ran/hobbled out to the patio, spinning himself in circles for 10 minutes as I stood over him gleefully saying “die, spider die… “     

I bought some sticky traps and have captured 2 very large, 2 medium, and 2 small hobo spiders in the past week.   This, in addition to the 2 that I flushed and three that I sprayed.  

I think it’s time to get a cat.

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Posted on Aug 19th, 2007 by Allison (Whatever)

So, this is the first post on my new blog.  You may be wondering why I chose the name “Silence of the Clams” for a blog…  since this is not a site about seafood, or the sea (though I do have a fondness for tropical fish).   The more interesting (or not) question is why I am blogging at all.  It’s a relatively short story, but chances are I’ll babble on and make it much longer than needs be. 

Basically, I’m a computer nerd.  I come from a family of computer nerds, or geeks, or whatever you want to call us.  Oh, we’re all pretty darn cool – not the typical nerd you may think of when you picture one.   But nearly all of us make our livings with a computer one way or another:

Read the rest of this entry »

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