Posted on Apr 1st, 2009 by Allison (Funny Stuff, Politics / Social Issues)

The more I see and hear of Fox News rising star, Glenn Beck, the more I think he’s lost it. I really wonder if all his fans really buy into his “the end is near” rantings or are merely entertained by his ridiculousness.

Stephen Colbert to the rescue… after his brilliant parody of Glenn’s “War Room“, last night he took on the hypocricy of the 9.12 project – and offered up his own hilarious 10.31 project in response. Enjoy.

The Colbert Report Mon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
The 10/31 Project
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor NASA Name Contest
(15) Comments   
Posted on Jan 22nd, 2009 by Allison (Funny Stuff, Politics / Social Issues)

We apologize for the service interruptionDear World:

We, the United States of America, your top quality supplier of the ideals of liberty and democracy, would like to apologize for our 2001-2008 interruption in service. The technical fault that led to this eight-year service outage has been located, and the software responsible was replaced November 4.

Early tests of the newly installed program were conducted to make sure it was operating correctly before final release. We are pleased to announce that we are fully functional as of January 20. We apologize for any inconvenience caused by the outage. We look forward to resuming full service and hope to improve in years to come. We thank you for your patience and understanding,


(5) Comments   
Posted on Jan 9th, 2009 by Allison (Funny Stuff, Whatever)

Often when I go to sleep it’s like going to the movies, as I mentioned in a previous post.   Last night’s feature had me waking up laughing….

Now playing in my dreamsMuch of the dream is too convoluted to try and describe here (though it made perfect sense while I was asleep) but there were a couple of scenes worth sharing.

This dream began with me visiting Michelle’s home in Arizona.   There was a big upcoming event she was planning/preparing for – a wedding, I believe.  

In this scene, we were hanging out in her living room, which had an alarmingly 70’s feel to it.  Think brown bricked fireplace, rust colored carpet.   And she had a big flat screen TV sitting in the middle of the floor, which Tim was watching, that had an unusual/interesting feature.  She could slide a row of votive candles into a slot at the bottom, and you could see them glowing through the base of the tv.

Michelle and the blanket catsAll of a sudden, she turned and picked up a blanket and announced (in her “talking to cats” voice), “It’s time for kitties in a blanket….” and proceeded to scoop up two cats (Fatness and one other), cradling them in a blanket  “… to get their Vitamin D!”

As she walked over to the door to take the cats out into the sun, I thought “what the hell is she doing???”… I pointed out, “Um… Michelle, it’s night.  There is no sun.”    Of course we both burst out laughing.  

What makes this particularly funny is that it is something I can totally imagine happening!

In the next scene, Michelle was trying on potential outfits to wear to the formal affair.  She looked rather hot it a china blue stretch-satin number…  it was quite short, form fitting, and had a round cutout in the lower back area.  We all thought it was a very good choice since it showed off her tattoos

The blue dressInitially,  it appeared she just had some deep red cursive writing (not sure what it said – something relating to her love for Tim I believe… or perhaps her devpotion to Fatness) along her very, very low back… but then I noticed she also had several larger, graffiti-like tattoos higher up on her back.     So, what did it say, Michelle?

She wasn’t sure she liked the jacquard, champaign colored jacket that went with it, but we noticed the blue perfectly matched the blue dresses that Chris, Sween and Erica were wearing.     I won’t go into the event itself, but suffice it to say that it didn’t go as planned, photographer missed shooting pics of bouquet throwing, desserts ended up on the floor and I kept wishing that Scott Sheffield would return the crystal serving platter I’d lent him, so we could use it for the remaining desserts. But everyone looked awesome in their China blue satin.

So, have you any interesting dreams recently you’d like to share?

(19) Comments   

Meet Amy HaaseMeet Amy Haase. I like her, and here’s why.

Last night, Kristin & Craig were in town and invited me to join them for dinner at Machiavelli’s in Seattle.  

Can I just go off topic here for a minute and rave again about the food at this little restaurant???    Deciding between the Chicken Milanese and the Tortellini Formaggio with Cream Sauce, Proscuitto and Peas is always a daunting task. (I went with the Chicken Milanese with roasted veggies on the side – Kris opted for the Tortellini and we shared a bit with each other).  Craig enjoyed the Chicken al Forno with a side of Spaghetti (which he rated 9 on a scale of 10).

Simply put, Machiavelli’s is the BEST Italian food I have ever had – surprisingly affordable, and in my top 3 restaurants of all time…  don’t ask what the other 2 are, I haven’t decided, just leaving the spots open.   Personally, I think it would be worth your while to make a trip to Seattle just to eat at this little gem. But you have to invite me to join you, of course.

This was Craig’s first visit – perhaps he can tell you if it lived up to all of the hype……

OK, back to Amy. After dinner, we drove back to Molbak’s (where I had left my car) and Kristin and I ran in for a potty break while Craig ran an errand to a man store (auto parts). As we were waiting for his return, we gandered at the billions of poinsettias, and I convinced Kristin to sit in front of the giant poinsettia tree so I could take her photo. She was reluctant, but agreed.

Amy and KristinWhile sitting on the bench waiting for me to snap a shot, she said “I feel silly.”

And at that moment, a fellow shopper says “I’ll sit with you!

Delighted, we laughed and invited her to do so, and she did.

Amy is a spontaneous, fun and thoughtful person – stepped outside herself to try and help someone else feel more comfortable – just the sort of person we’d love to get to know. We learned she has been living in North Carolina, but is looking to make a return to Seattle (where her family lives.) We hope you do, Amy!

After all this excitement, Kristin discovered she needed another potty break – and I, apparently, needed to amuse myself while waiting for her.

Potty breakSo I stuck my camera over the stall to snap her photo – and found the shot I captured to be absolutely hysterical. Don’t ask me why.  Maybe I was drunk with the joy of my Machiavelli meal and our encounter with Amy, but I showed Kristin the photo, and we both came out of the bathroom with tears running down our cheeks, barely able to breathe from laughter. Craig thought we were nuts. I think he’s probably right.

What fun people have you met in unexpected ways and places?

(21) Comments   
Posted on Dec 3rd, 2008 by Allison (Funny Stuff, Politics / Social Issues)

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die
(13) Comments   
Posted on Oct 17th, 2008 by Allison (Funny Stuff, Spiritual / Religion)

Do Dogs Have Souls?
Catholics v Cumberland Presbyterians

A “church signs” debate, being played out in a Southern town, between a Catholic church and a Presbyterian church.  From top to bottom shows you the response and counter-response over time.

Church Fued

I don’t know if these signs are real (I think it’s unlikely, since the cars are parked in the exact same spot in each picture) but it makes me laugh out loud anyway.  Thanks, Kristin, for passing it along to me….

(8) Comments   
Posted on Aug 5th, 2008 by Allison (Funny Stuff, Politics / Social Issues)

Over the years Paris Hilton has received little more than eye rolls from me…
And yet here she is being all clever and making me laugh, in her response ad to John McCain’s moronic (and false) “Celebrity” ad. 

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

What a pleasant suprise.  

(4) Comments   
Posted on Jun 25th, 2008 by Allison (Funny Stuff, Whatever)

I manage over a dozen email addresses – and a couple of them have gotten onto junk mail lists, receiving hundreds of spam emails a day.  Thank heaven for spam arrest which stops them from getting to my inbox. 

I do have to check the filter every few days to see if legitimate mail is stuck, and when I do, I am faced with some of the must ridiculous subject lines.  Some are really stupid, others totally crack me up.  Here are a few of the more memorable ones of late:

  • What a stupid face you have allison
  • Does this look illegal?
  • Bomb her womb from your huge cannon!
  • Have you ever felt the kiss of a womb?
  • Satisfy your woman, you pin dick!
  • Help your little soldier stand taller

Noticing a theme?   What is the deal with the obsession with the “male member”?  And can any man’s penis ever live up to the expectations of these emails??? 

What memorable spam subject lines have you received?

(5) Comments   
Posted on May 23rd, 2008 by Allison (Funny Stuff)

I’m so glad I found out about this!

The correct way to weigh yourself: 


I can’t believe I was doing it wrong all these years.

We must spread the word.

(1) Comment   
Posted on May 20th, 2008 by Allison (Family/Friends, Funny Stuff)

ashleyrae.jpgI just learned that my sister, Kristin, has adopted a very important family tradition.  I’m so delighted!

It began when Ashley started dating.  The first time a new suitor would come to do the door, I would answer and greet them.   Unbeknownst to Ashley, The dialogue woud go something like this:

   boy:  Is Ashley home?
   Me: Yes, she is – but first, a song.
   boy:  Huh? 
Me: A song. You need to sing me a song.
   boy:  (visibly weighing options)  Umm…  what song?
   Me: Oh, any song will do. Maybe ________ (then a suggestion).
   boy:  really?

Some took a bit more convincing – not wanting to look foolish, I’m sure.  But when they realized I was dead serious and they were NOT getting in the house, nor was Ashley being made aware of their arrival, they’d give in and sing.   Some even enjoyed themselves, and those were the boys I knew would be fun dates for Ashley.

I heard “Give Said The Little Stream“, “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” among others.    My all-time favorite response was Ashley’s friend Josh – all 6’4″ of him…. without batting an eye, he launched into “I’m a Little Teapot” (which he chose) and even did the actions.  He got bonus points.

One kid, named Richard, absolutely REFUSED to sing and I eventually relented in letting him in.  But I knew he’d be a very POOR MATCH foor my daughter (which he was… not a fun bone in his body)… and after a far too long dating spell she finally realized it too 🙂

Justin, now her husband, performed Rod Stewart’s – “Have I told you Lately That I Love You” beautifully… ending up on one knee, I believe.   The two of them are still singing today!

jneilposes_61a_sm.jpgSo…. today I learned that J’Neil (my neice) had her first suitor arrive today – and Kristin was serenaded with “Itsy Bitsy Spider.”   I nearly cried with joy.

Since J’Neil is just entering her dating era, Kristin would love a list of song suggestions…. any ideas?   

Did, or do you have any “first date” traditions like this?

(16) Comments    Read More